Celebrate National Coming Out Day!
Sunday, October 11 marked National Coming Out Day. The day celebrates LGBTQ+ people and their journey of coming out, but also commemorates the continuous hardship of identifying as a queer person. Many LGBTQ+ members do not feel comfortable or safe coming out in one or all facets of their lives, and may continue to struggle with their sexuality. It is imperative to cultivate an inclusive community in which all bodies, opinions, and voices are accepted.
I grappled with my initial coming out for many years. While many people think coming out only happens once, it is actually a continuous process within different groups and communities. I remember the first time I vocalized that I was gay two years ago. My mom and I stood in the kitchen on Thanksgiving morning. She stood over the stove, preparing the stuffing for dinner while I nursed a cup of lukewarm coffee and hazily watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. She asked me what Hannah, my now girlfriend, was doing for the holiday. I told her she went home to Maryland to spend time with her parents.
My mom then asked the anticipated question: What are you guys?
I froze, my lips hovering over the mug. My eyes stayed glued to the tv. She repeated the question, but in a different style: Are you guys a thing?
Her questions weren’t out of nowhere. We talked on the phone often. I would tell her about my days spent with Hannah exploring Boston, grabbing dinner in Somerville, or watching a movie at one of our apartments. My mom was curious, but she read the signs well and had a lingering suspicion about our relationship.
I didn’t turn my head: Yeah.
Before she could respond, one of my sisters shouted from the second floor and soon the rest of my family congregated in the kitchen, itching for breakfast and more coffee.
Shortly after, I had to come out again. It was a cold weekend in December and I was out with my closest friends, Hannah included. She broke the news to one of our friends, and I was up next to tell a different friend. My friend stood at the bar and ordered another drink. Just as Hannah pulled me onto the dance floor, I casually dropped the update to my friend. She stared back nonplussed.
And then it became easier. I told other friends and started mentioning my girlfriend in conversation with colleagues. I spoke openly about being gay and joined more queer organizations.
I am finally confident in my sexual orientation and talk about my relationship with pride.
That is my story. I am fortunate to have a supportive family and group of friends that allowed me to come out rather seamlessly. Not everyone’s journey is as simple or as accepting. Being out is not required. The decision to come out, stay in, or drift somewhere in between is only up to the individual.
No matter how you identify, it is important to always foster an inclusive, supportive community. Listen and accept other perspectives so that one day, no one will feel marginalized for who they choose to love.
